So, I haven’t written a post in forever. Those of you who are wondering why I (Joshua) am writing a post, let me just say that I actually started this blog, but Katelyn has taken it over and done wonderfully. I have been present behind the scenes the entire time, and there is a reserve clause in my contract that says “I can come on and write anytime that I like, about anything that I like. I don’t typically get a lot of feedback on my posts or a lot of views, but it is nice to get the chance to write for the blog now and then.
I wanted to take a moment and tell you about my gross (German) self. As long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. I was always a big guy, and to some extent I think I will always be a big guy. You know how some moms tell people, “Oh, he’s just big boned?” Well, I actually am pretty big boned I have very broad shoulders and a large rib cage. Because of this large build I have had to fight this ongoing battle of self-image, though in high school I was able to keep it under wraps, and did pretty well up through 2003.
For some reason though, I let myself go back when I moved to Utah from 2004-2006 and got up to 300+lbs (that’s 136 kilos for you metric-ers). I don’t know, maybe it had to do with the crappy and stressful relationship I was in at the time, but whatever the reason, I was really big. I caught myself though, and back 2007 I had lost a lot of weight and gotten myself in shape and kept the ball going until right around the time Katelyn and I got engaged. Suddenly school was harder with all the upper division classes I was taking, I had more responsibilities at work as I was a supervisor and had to deal with all the difficulties with incompetent co-workers and what not, and then there was the stress of planning a wedding and a new life on top of all of this. Continuing the arch, we got pregnant, I student taught, wrote a 50+ page paper two different times in the span of 5 months, graduated from school, had twins, moved across the country, lived with family, moved to Indy with only two pennies to rub together, did my first year of teaching and was a father.
I guess what I learned is that sometimes stress means that I eat a lot. I got up to 335lbs by the end of it all and felt horrible.
Finally this summer opened up and gave me the opportunity to rethink the way I was doing some things. I reevaluated what I was doing as a husband and a father, and reevaluated how I was treating myself. A lot has changed in a short time, and sometimes I struggle to keep everything going well, but at this point I am down to 290lbs. Admittedly, this is still very heavy, but that is why we keep working. In reality the weight is only a portion of life, and I am happy about some of the changes that I have made in regards to my family. I guess if I am willing to accept mediocrity in one area of my life I am willing to accept it in other areas as well. The thought being, if I’m not having major health issues despite the fact that I am very overweight, then not having major relationship issues despite at times lacking the proper focus in the home, then all is ok. This is false.
Some days I eat too much or don’t work out when I need to, and some days I am not as focused on being the best father or husband, but the beauty of life, and especially the atonement is that I can change myself with the help of the Lord. I recently stated that success is not something that unique to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, it is rampant in main facets of the world. What is unique often times, is our measure of what success actually is. I am very happy that I have been losing weight, but the greatest success story of this summer is the renewed love for my family. It wasn’t really fading, and there weren’t MAJOR concerns, but I can do better. 45lbs lighter and 100% more in love with my family, what’s success to you?