Even though my husband has been a graduate student the last two years, I have been spoiled as a graduate spouse. His schedule may have meant some long days, but those long days were usually followed by slow days, days at home with me and the kids. He purposefully tried to have his classes – both those he taught and attended – on the same two or three days a week. He would just stay on campus all day those days, working on homework and class prep between classes. He would sometimes work on his off days, either at home or on campus, but only for a few hours. He was home a lot.
I was spoiled.
I realize that as this last week my husband started a full-time job as a test evaluator. A job that has regular hours each and every day. It’s been weird. And different. He’s been picking up extra hours too (including Saturday morning) and is gone from about 8am until 6pm, every day.
The last time my husband had full time work was when he was teaching at the high school, but even then he was home by about 3:30pm. For the last two years I have been spoiled because I have had ample time to spend with the man I love most, my very bestest of best friends.
On the days my husband was not in classes or teaching we often did things together. Not always, but often. I was especially spoiled that my husband always joined me at the grocery store where we could divide and conquer. He could take one child (or two) while I took the other(s) and split up the shopping list so we could ideally be done sooner. He would also often take the kids out by himself to run errands or to give me a break. He’d also let me sleep in some mornings, take a nap during the day, and then clean up the kitchen. We would also go out and run errands, together, just because. We would also go to the park together. I was spoiled to have my husband, my children’s father, with us so much. So many kids and wives aren’t so lucky!
Full-Time Work
But, right now our schedule is different, and will be for the next month or two as Josh works full-time to make extra money for us so we can move to Texas. Not only is Josh burnt out already after a solid week and a half of working 9 hours M-F plus 4+ hours on Saturday, but my days are long as well. I no longer have my parenting partner to take over when I’ve just had enough during the day. He’s also tired and wore out by the end of the night and doesn’t love dealing with the childhood bedtime drama, or me wanting to work on blogging after he’s home.
I’ve also been in charge of making dinner, which has generally been Josh’s responsibility. I don’t really like to cook, but meal planning has been great at not only helping me be more organized, but helping us save money. I am also fully in charge of most homemaking duties – laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc.
It all makes me extremely grateful for my husband’s schedule the last two years. As crazy as its been at times, I was spoiled. I know our current work situation is very temporary, ending in less than two months, but I have no idea how demanding or long my husband’s future doctorate schedule will be. I’m inclined to believe it won’t be as open as his Masters though.
I guess it means I will just have to be more organized and have more structure for our days, all of which may prove to be very great things for our family, especially in the long run as we move forward with homeschooling our children.
Tell me, what is your schedule like in your home? Do you see your spouse a lot?
Katie Clark says
I know what you mean! I’m so spoiled yo have Forrest home all the time.
And my sister-in-law at BYU just started a doctorate in neuroscience and she never seems super busy. Haha. Hopefully that is the same for Josh 🙂
Lindsey Whitney says
My husband is thinking about starting graduate school too soon. I’d love to hear some tips! He’ll still be working full time though, so it’ll be a little different scenario around here. Hope you’re enjoying summer!
Katy Blevins says
Long hours and multiple jobs/projects often keep my husband and I from seeing each other, much less have quality time. Some weeks it feels like we are just two ships passing. Thanks for linking up at the #smallvictoriessundaylinky! You’ve been pinned to the group board. 🙂
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says
I came here from Wedded Wednesday – interesting post, as I’m a former academic!
Depending on the field, the doctorate schedule may be less ‘forced’ than that of the masters, though the intensity of mental effort will be greater. I alternated lab work with writing, and much of the writing was done in my head, while walking dogs or running. So you may see more of your husband, but his head may often be elsewhere!
I was invalided out of academia several years ago, and became a stay-at-home spouse (no kids, just dogs). It’s been quite a change, but it’;s been necessary as I’m not supposed to survive this illness. Pity I don’t still have the teaching job, that I might write a sequel to “The Last Lecture”, but such is life.
My wife leaves at 6.15 every morning, and returns at 6.45 in the evening. While she’s gone I’m just trying to do the necessities – it hurts too much to do anything else.
I’m going off on a bit of a tangent, but the time alone has forced me to focus my thoughts, and to step away from evaluating my self-worth as a breadwinner and physically robust individual. There has to be more…otherwise I’m in trouble!
And there is more. Each moment in which compassion and courage defeat the dull obduracy of unremitting pain is a small bright victory, and I wonder if it’s those jeweled moments that form the mosaics that decorate Heaven’s byways.
Katelyn Fagan says
Andrew – I am sorry to hear about your illness. Thanks for sharing your experience and even your tangent. God bless!
Andrew Budek-Schmeisser says
Katelyn, thank you. I do appreciate the good wishes.
Interesting synergy – I noticed that your current address is Indy, and that you’re moving to Texas.
My wife’s from New Castle, and we met and married while I was working in Texas, first at Texas State – San Marcos, then at Texas Tech.
Small world, I guess.
Beth says
I can relate, Katelyn. My hubby and I were married when we were both getting our Masters degrees. I loved that flexibility in our lives at that time. Then my husband got into ministry, again, there’s a lot of flexibility that other women don’t have with their hubbies. I have to say that ministry also can be pretty intense at moments and you just never know when a “light work day” can turn into dealing with a lengthy crisis. That’s when I feel spoiled by his more typical hours and work load. I hope you both realize how great it’s been to build that time and care into your marriage during these years. Perhaps God wants to use that investment you have in each other as you face a more difficult season. Kudos to your man for all that he’s doing and achieving too!
Katelyn Fagan says
Thanks so much for your comment Beth! I really do try hard to remember how lucky I am as it probably won’t last forever. I do think it’s been great for our marriage (most of the time… sometimes I wished he wasn’t around as much so we’d have a little more structure and we couldn’t drive each other nuts. Ha!) And thanks for the kudos. I’m pretty proud of him!