Overcoming the Fear of Pregnancy After Miscarriage

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Having a miscarriage is a pretty horrible experience. All your hope, excitement, and even fears, are dashed for the new life that was growing inside of you. And it is because of the horribleness of the experience, that you wonder if you should ever try to get pregnant again because of the fear that this horrible event may happen again. You don’t want another loss. Pregnancy after miscarriage is a scary endeavor.It really is scary to consider having another pregnancy after miscarriage. Miscarrying is horrible, but I loved the hope in this post. I can overcome my fear and accept what comes.

My Story

I had two very subsequent, short pregnancies that resulted in miscarriages in the 4th week of gestation, followed immediately by a pregnancy terminated in miscarriage at 7 weeks gestation.  I had three back-to-back miscarriages. The last one was the hardest, as it seemed to be the bright ray of hope during a very difficult time for my family.

We had also told my family at Thanksgiving that I was 5 weeks pregnant. And then I miscarried two weeks later. At 7 weeks pregnant I had begun to feel pregnant, with some bloating, gas, fatigue, and had received a real estimated due date of July 24, 2012, as we had even met with a doctor. And this miscarriage came with painful cramps, way worse bleeding than a regular period, and a passing of what I believe was the fetus. With every swipe, I was saddened to know it represented what wasn’t to be.

So, the thought of having to go through that all again was haunting.  Needless to say, we took several months off from our baby making endeavors (plus, life was a bit complicated at the time). We ended up conceiving again in July of 2012, shortly before the due date of our last miscarried pregnancy. And I felt a little selfish to be pregnant again before that baby would have been born. Or if not selfish, a little sad that we weren’t welcoming a child then, but only just beginning a new pregnancy for a “replacement” to that previous one.

While such a statement is not true, as I do remember the miscarriages, and the lives that were very short-lived, it can be how one can feel getting pregnant again after miscarriage. It can also, unfortunately, be a statement many unknowing friends and family members can make to help you feel better after your loss. But, a loss is a loss is a loss. There is no replacing that unique combination of chromosomes and genes and DNA. Another child will bless your life for sure, but it will never be that child you lost.

READ: How to Cope With a Miscarriage if you need help mourning your loss.

Thankfully this new pregnancy did not end in miscarriage, but a healthy, 9.5 lb baby boy, 22″ long, born via VBAC at 41 weeks 6 days gestation. He is an amazing child who wins the heart of just about every woman in sight with his big blue eyes and long dark lashes, and adorable smile. We are so glad he’s a part of our family. I’m sure the children we miscarried would have also been amazing. But, it just wasn’t meant to be. We know it was God’s will, and we understand that perhaps it just wasn’t the right time to be adding on to our family.

But, having personally gone through a miscarriage, I am also now blessed with that firsthand understanding of heartache of miscarriage, and can relate to a large amount of women in a way I could not have before. At the time of my losses, I also felt an out pouring of love from so many women who had also suffered through miscarriages, some many, many times over. Many offered advice as to what may be causing them (low counts of certain hormones, for instance). And I am thankful that I chose to share to transparent with the world, and share my rare emotions and feeling here on my blog.

The FEAR

The thing about having one miscarriage, is that you always fear another, no matter if you go on to have a successful birth and healthy child afterward.

I am pregnant again. And even though I successfully had a pregnancy after miscarriage, resulting in my adorable 21 month old son, I have a lot of fear of miscarrying again with this pregnancy, even now still at 11 weeks gestation (in part because we haven’t seen the doctor yet – next week). The thing is that this new pregnancy is almost exactly like my last miscarried pregnancy. The due date is only two days different. We again told people we were pregnant at Thanksgiving when my husband “accidentally” told our friends that he was thankful for family, and for addition (he’s a mathematician). The women of course said, “WHAT? Are you pregnant Katelyn?” And the answer is yes. I am pregnant.

But, part of me is still almost waiting to see spotting, to see red, the next time I go to the bathroom. The fear is still real, and still there. But, nothing has happened: all indicators are good that everything is healthy and normal in this new pregnancy (as far as I can tell), with a steadily growing abdomen, indigestion, aversion to food, and serious fatigue.  Nothing is indicating that this pregnancy will terminate. But, I still haven’t heard that beautiful, fast little heart beat at the doctor’s office. I still haven’t seen my child (or children?) on the grainy black and white ultrasound machine.

Even after I do visit the doctor next week, I may still have this fear. I do think about how I could miscarry again, even when past that 12 or 13 week mark. I am not guaranteed that once past the first trimester, that high-risk of miscarrying zone, that my baby will make it full-term or that my baby will be born alive.

Pregnancy is a risky business with many unknowns. And you put yourself, your life, on the line in the hopes of a beautiful, healthy child. But, it doesn’t always work out like we hope, like we pray, like we desire, in one way or another.

The HOPE

But, I truly believe we are given trials and difficulties for a reason. And that pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood are worth the fear, the questions, the doubt, and the unknowns. God is with you. And though we don’t always understand why we sometimes don’t get to meet our child, or why we have a child who isn’t healthy, or why we only have them for a short period of time, I believe there’s a reason, if we but seek God’s will to know it. Sometimes the answer will manifest itself years later, or perhaps never fully answer itself in this life, but there is a reason.

I will continue to pray that this baby growing inside of me will be able to meet me and his or her siblings, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. I hope that I won’t have a miscarriage (ever) again. But, I know that whatever does happen, it’s in God’s hand. And I will accept what He gives.

Ultimately, I know that I should never let fear decide whether I choose to submit myself to pregnancy again, because even if I do end up having multiple miscarriages, I am still doing my part to fulfill God’s will and plan for my family – to bear children, to raise a family, to be a mother. And I believe that choosing to accept any difficulties, pain, and grief will result in untold blessings from heaven, and perhaps even a chance to raise these unborn children in the afterlife.  I choose not to fear, but to hope that all good things, like pregnancy and motherhood, are a blessing to me and those I love if I choose to embrace and accept them, no matter how they may unfold.

God is in control. Have hope that good will come from your faith to try again after a miscarriage.

If you have experienced a miscarriage, how has it affected your subsequent pregnancies or desire to conceive again?

Be sure to read my follow-up post on coping with miscarriage if you need help processing your loss.

If you are coping with a miscarriage, here are some great suggestions on how to cope, heal, and deal with your miscarriage grief | infant loss | infant death and mortality | fetus | abortion | baby loss | death | sympathy gifts | grieving ideas

Comments

  1. says

    What an honest and touching piece. I was blessed with two healthy pregnancies both resulting in two healthy babies so I don’t know this pain. I do agree that we go through things for a reason and you are helping others with your story. I pray that this pregnancy will be an easy and healthy one.
    <3
    Traci

  2. says

    I know that fear intimately. Not wanting things to feel the same, because they’ll end the same. Doing it different just to avoid the sameness and the fear..

    It’s not the same though. It’s different. Congratulations!

  3. says

    Katelyn, what a powerful and moving post. I too experienced a miscarriage between my 2nd and 3rd children. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us!

  4. says

    I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in October of 2013 and though we definitely want more children, I do experience the fear. But as you say, it is in God’s hands. My children were so happy when I was pregnant and they constantly ask when God is going to give us another baby. We haven’t had success with conceiving again but if and when we do I am going to remind myself every day that it isn’t in my control and that I trust in God.

  5. Brittnie says

    Your story is truely inspirational….. I had a miscarriage a little over 6 months ago and just found out last week we are expecting again….. I am scared to death but I remind myself daily that God is in control… I pray about this pregnancy resulting in a HAPPY healthy baby….. your story gave me much needed peace….. thank you

  6. Taylor says

    I have a beautiful two and half year old daughter. Everything with her, from getting pregnant to labor and delivery, was just perfect. Which gave me great hope when I found I was pregnant in the middle of this last November. We told our families at Thanksgiving, when I was just 5 weeks. And I would have been 14 weeks tomorrow, but I miscarried this last Friday. There are so many things about a miscarriage and the entire ordeal that you don’t think about when you haven’t had one. It has been an incredibly emotional experience, but I personally believe I was given this trial (among many other reasons which I do not know, but God knows) so that I would have a reaffirmation of the faith and trust that I have in our Heavenly Father. So that I would personally know, in the face of a trial that in the moment seems insurmountable, I will turn to the Lord and rely on His love and care to help me through it. So that my husband and I would have a reconfirmation of our strong desire to have children. So we could experience true loss that we might be able to experience even greater joy. It’s still very tender for me right now, and I might have just vomited my feelings all over your comments section, but when I found this post this morning it felt like a heaven-send. So, thank you.

    • says

      What beautiful thoughts and testimony, especially so soon after your loss. I am very sorry for your loss, and grieve with you. It sounds like your pregnancy is at the same timing as mine as well, so it’s especially hard for me to hear of your heartbreak. God with you, and God bless you and your family.

  7. Becky says

    I am the mom of 5 on earth and 14 that have joined the Father earlier than I cared for. My first pg , 3 months into our marriage, ended at 12 weeks, 3 months later I got another positive test. I refused to dream about that baby or get my hopes up too high. At 12 weeks we had an ultrasound and there was my baby, heartbeat and all. My heart soared. One week later the spotting started. That miscarriage nearly broke me. Two years after our first loss I gave birth to a perfect baby girl. Followed 21 months later by a healthy little boy, and three years later another perfect little girl. I thought maybe the danger of loss was over. I had already had more than my fair share of loss….right? The next 8 years were marked by 5 more losses interrupted by 2 more beautiful little girls. It has been 7 years since my youngest child was born. In the last 7 years I have had 7 more losses. To say that this has been a difficult journey would be an understatement and the fear you speak of is incredibly real, even now as I hope and pray for one more tiny blessing, I have that tremor of fear in the back of my mind. The fear of being broken again. It took years, but I learned to thank God daily even hourly, with ever trip to the bathroom, for the tiny life inside me with each pregnancy. Each time the t.p. came back clean I thanked him for another hour, and when it came back with blood, I purposefully thanked Him again for the time He allowed me to be that child’s mother. It didn’t totally wipe away my fears, but it helped change my overall attitude to one of gratitude. My heart has 14 holes in it that will never be gone, this side of eternity, but Jesus is the Great Healer and Counselor. Fear is human and He understands our fears, but promises to be there for us through them and to hold us always if we will only let Him. Thank you for your post. It is always a balm to my soul when people express that my feelings are normal and understandable. I frequently feel like the only one, even though I know good and well that I’m not.

    • says

      I deleted the duplicate comments (and joined a few thoughts from the second to your first). I am thankful that this post has been reaching out to people! I really do believe it is a common feeling to have that no one ever really talks about. People can talk about the hard journey of overcoming a miscarriage, but no one seems to talk about that underlying fear the exists forever afterward! I’m sure for you it’s harder than many having suffered so much! I TOTALLY relate to your “trip to the bathroom” comment, and love you suggestion of lifting a prayer to heaven every time you do, no matter what. Gratitude for sure! Thanks for your comment and your faith.

  8. says

    I have a very, VERY similar story. Three miscarriages, ( 4 weeks, 6 weeks, and 7 weeks) all back to back… My husband “accidentally” spilled the beans of our second pregnancy to Brant Hansen, live on Air 1 Radio. I am even new to Texas! Houston, actually.

    While I have not yet conceived for the fourth time (nor are we really TRYING) every month I find myself anxious, almost to the point of a full-blown anxiety attack, waiting to see if “Aunt Flo” will come for a visit, dreaming that I am pregnant but not testing positive. Every month it consumes me. Am I pregnant? Is this one going to be the time that my body doesn’t screw things up because of my blood-clotting disorder? Is it God’s timing now? Wh… what about now? Now??? Praying that I am not pregnant and crying in devastation with each negative test. The fear is real. It consumes me.

    Not only am I afraid of another loss, but of the deep depression that my husband went into after our 3 losses that nearly ripped out marriage in two.

    People forget that the losses don’t just affect the mother in the situation, but dad, no matter how strong he tries to be, has to deal with it some how. It’s difficult, but even in the midst of all my heart’s biggest fears, I find peace in knowing that no matter what, 1. God is in control. He knows what is best and sees what is going to happen 5 years down the road. And 2. There is life after loss, be it a successful pregnancy, adoption, growing closer to your spouse, and maybe even all of the above.

    Alright, I will stop rambling now, but thank you for this post. It is refreshing to read as i come into this month’s wait to find out if I have another month to (try to) breathe!

    • says

      I am sorry to hear your story, but admire your faith. You are absolutely right that miscarriage affects men. While they might not feel it physically, they certainly can emotionally, and deeply. It is a loss to them as well, especially when something they have been looking forward to for a long time. I am sorry he has been so affected. That is hard.

      And thank you for the reminder to everyone reading this that there is life after loss.

      God bless you and yours.

  9. Ann Marie says

    My pregnancy was unplanned, so at first I was extremely scared. However I told my family, who were all really supportive and excited as well. We went to the first ultrasound and the nurse said everything was healthy and strong. My sister and I started planning the room, we picked the names (boy or girl), I was just ecstatic at this point. At our next appointment we found out the baby had passed away the day after the first ultrasound and I have never been so crushed! Every day I think about what could have been. I see babies on social media and in public and my boyfriend see how much it breaks my heart that I’m not going to have that (soon). We’ve talked about actually trying and have decided to (try) and wait till we are married. For someone who never wanted children before it’s now something I think about 23 out of the 24 hours in a day. The loss and heartbreak are so much harder then I ever image I could feel.

  10. Kelly says

    Thank you for the ray of hope. After loosing the last baby 5 moths ago early at 5 weeks we are 6 weeks pregnant again with some bleeding. Once we told our family that is when I started to spot then bleed. I have heard the heart beat and the doctor says there is a 5% change of miscarriage because of the bleeding. I can relate to your story- going to the bathroom is very scary. I am constantly thinking there is going to be a pool of blood and the clotting. But I have to have faith in God. It is his choice. Thank you for sharing.

  11. Fede says

    Beuatiful and totally what i feel right now, I’m nine weeks along my second pregnancy, the first ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks just over a year ago… so i am very sared but so full of hope that this fetus is just GOING to have to keep growing, i believe working with your energy helps, i try to relax and do it every night sort of like a mini- prayer, telling it how i hope to hear it’s heart soon, or feel a little kick in a few months, it really helps.

  12. Jamie says

    This was a very well written piece. It was everything i am feeling at this moment. I am pregnant with my 5th pregnancy i have had 2 miscarriages and 2 successful pregnancies. I am 8 weeks and every time i go to the bathroom i am waiting for the red. I am waiting to feel that empty feeling again. my first miscarriage was at 13 weeks and my second at 9 so i am in complete fear that this one will end the same way but i agree if you have faith in God anything is possible even the healing process after a miscarriage. Thank you so much for your article it really helped me today!

    • says

      I am so glad it helped you! That is exactly why I wrote this, so thank you for your comment. Best of wishes to you on your new pregnancy. May God bless you and your new babe.

  13. Amber says

    I miscarried last November after almost 2 years of trying. It was extremely heartbreaking for my husband and myself. I’m currently pregnant again and when I first found out I was scarred as well. I’ve been having so many signs of a healthy pregnancy though, food aversions, no appetite, breast tenderness, tiredness, “morning” sickness, etc. Well a few days ago I started bleeding super heavy with blood clots. I was devastated, called my doctor and went to the ER. They did blood work, urine tests, and an ultra sound. To my surprise they found a heartbeat of 128 and I clearly see a baby in my tummy! And on that day I found out that Im 7 weeks and 1 day, now 7 weeks and 2 days. Due date is April 5, 2016. I was still scarred and concerned with the bleeding Of course. And I found out the reason, I was carrying twins and lost one. I’m sad that one has passed but so happy and blessed day one is healthy. I just pray that my baby continues to stay healthy and he or she will be born when the time is right. I just have to have faith in God.

  14. Sarah says

    It’s always comforting to me to read stories from women who have gone through similar situations. Miscarriage is not something people commonly talk about, so it’s easy to feel alone. I had a miscarriage last November at 20 weeks, it was my third pregnancy. My son and daughter were 7 and 3 at the time. I never even considered the fact that I might have a miscarriage, after 2 successful pregnancies. We went in for our 20 week appointment, the day we were supposed to be finding out the baby’s gender, instead to find out that the baby had no heartbeat. That day was one of the worst of my life. I had no signs or symptoms of miscarriage, the baby simply stopped developing. After a million tests the doctors told me I was just extremely unlucky. There was no reason anyone could find for why my baby had passed away. I still really want to have another baby but I’m terrified of going through this again. At first my husband and I thought we would try to conceive as soon as we got the ok from the doctor but I’ve just been too scared. I pray about it but I never feel at peace about either decision, to try again or not. The comments I get from people are usually, well at least you have 2 kids already or maybe it was for the best,or you’ll feel better when you have another baby. None of these are particularly helpful or comforting, but I know they are just trying to help and don’t really know what to say since they have never been through a miscarriage. I know that God ultimately has a plan for me and my family, I just wish I knew what it was.

  15. Rosanne says

    Reading this post and all the comments are very comforting. I found out that I was about 6 weeks pregnant on September 10, 2015 and on September 17, 2015 is when the bleeding started. I went to the ER and had an emergency ultrasound and blood work done. The doctor told me to give it a couple of days and get my HCG levels checked again. I left the hospital feeling a little hopeful but deep down I knew what was to come. When I first found out I was pregnant, I had the symptoms (sore breasts, nausea, tiredness), but I didn’t have any of those symptoms anymore. My mother and I went back to the ER on September 19 to get my HCG levels checked once again. I waited and waited and waited. It felt like forever until they finally told me that they had the results back. The longer I waited, the more I knew that something was wrong. I took countless trips to the bathroom just to see maybe the bleeding had stopped or gotten lighter but it was never the case. When the doctor finally came to speak to me, he informed me that my numbers only increased by 20 points. I knew that this wasn’t good and the doctor told me that it is likely the pregnancy will result in a miscarriage. The ER doctor called the OBGYN to come in. He told me the same thing and informed me that sometimes it just happens. At the present time, I understand what he was saying – that pregnancy wasn’t meant to be. But it didn’t help with the emotional and physical pain I was in. I’ve always been the person to say “if I have children” because I’ve never been sure if I wanted children. But now, after being pregnant and losing a baby, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. It’s only now, after facing a loss that I realize that I do want children. I’ve been dealing with the loss a lot better. To say that I’m “over” it would be a complete lie, you never get over something like this. You cope with it from day to day and with each day it gets a little better. I felt really sad when everything happened, but I felt a lot of anger too. I felt angry at my body for rejecting the pregnancy and I even felt angry at people I knew who are having healthy pregnancies. It wasn’t because they did anything wrong because I would never wish this feeling on my worse enemy. I just felt so jealous that they get to experience such an amazing thing while I’m suffering a loss. Like I’ve said, I have been coping a lot better over the past couple of weeks but I’m starting to feel my sadness and jealousy resurface again at the announcement of friend’s pregnancies. I want to be happy for them and I know I should be happy for them, but it’s hard when they are due around the same time that I would have been due. My husband and I do plan on trying again and we have been given the okay from my doctor but now it’s a waiting game for aunt flo to visit before we can try. Sorry for the extremely long rant, this is the first time that I’m able to say this to people who are or went through the same thing as me.

    • Angela says

      Rosanne I just read your response with tears in my eyes, your story is so similar to mine. I too never thought I wanted to have kids but when my husband and I got pregnant in our first 3 months of marriage (totally by accident) I KNEW this was what I wanted- I wanted to be a mom! But we lost that child after 11 weeks and lost a second baby a year later at 7 weeks. I have never in my life felt more broken or forgotten by God. BUT I am now 39 weeks pregnant with a very active little boy, he could arrive any day now. This entire pregnancy has been fraught with fear and anxiety- never a day going by without wondering if my baby was still there. Even now- being so far along and FEELING him move I still have my doubts. If I go a few hours without feeling him kick I’ll begin to freak out, poor little guy is just sleeping! Even my husband, who has been my rock throughout all these trials will occasionally ask “felt him move lately?’ so I now I’m not the only one with these fears. Just KNOW that you are not alone and take as much time to grieve as you need to- you’ll know if/when you are ready to try again. And just think how much JOY you will experience when you finally get to hold that little one- no moments will be taken for granted!! If you ever need to chat you can always email me- I know how important it is to find a community that understands this type of loss. kismetist@yahoo.com

  16. Ligaya says

    Thank you for this article. We lost our baby on October 30th of this year. It is still very fresh and I’m definitely not ready to try again any time soon, but I thought about the fear of miscarriage if we do become pregnant again. It is really good to hear stories of women who have had miscarriages and have had healthy babies. That makes me so happy to hear that there is hope and I’m actually not destined to have no children here on earth with me. It has been so hard to face all the changes. It is so heartbreaking to start a wonderful journey and have to end it prematurely. The excitement that you have and the already unconditional love you have for your little baby is remarkable. I’ve been trying to be as positive as I can be and it does take some effort. I wrote a letter to my baby…here it is…
    Dear Pumpkin,
    I sit here under the night sky missing you. My sweet baby, your stay on Earth was very short and although no one ever saw your beautiful face or got to kiss your little nose, you are very much my little baby.
    You must already know how excited I was to get hold you in my arms for the very first time. How excited I was to see Daddy stare deep into your eyes. How excited I was to sing you Desert Lullaby, a song I had picked out just for you. I was excited to absorb every moment of pregnancy, giving birth, and motherhood. We had even decided at one point we would dress you up as an old granny for Halloween. We had thought up beautiful names . I was planning what I would teach you about life and God. I was so excited to teach you all I know about yoga and meditation. I was excited for you to grow just a little bit bigger so you could hear our voices and all the silly songs Daddy sings. I was excited to dance with you. And if you were a girl like I thought you would be I was excited to have the most absolutely adorable matching mommy and me outfits. I was so excited to sit with you in my arms while rocking you to sleep. I was excited for Charlie pup to finally meet you. I was so excited to read you bedtime stories and tuck you in at night. Oh, and I was planning on singing you Happy Birthday on your first day in the world. I was so excited to teach you all the most important values to be a kind hearted person. I was so excited to see you grow up and be so proud of my baby. There are so many things I was excited to share with you, but tonight as I sit here I realize you will always be with me and that I do get to share all of these beautiful moments with you.
    You are my little pumpkin angel who I can’t wait to hold in my arms in Heaven one day. I can’t wait to kiss your little beautiful nose. I love you Pumpkin with all my heart and I’m so very glad that at least for a short while I was blessed to hold you in my womb and feel what it’s like to be a mother. Tell God thank you for me.

    Love always your Mommy,
    Ligaya

    • says

      So beautiful! And now I am crying! Such great perspective and love so soon after your loss. You are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. May it bless others in their loss.

  17. Amanda says

    We lost our first child to a miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. This was after feeling the specific call from the Lord to get off birth control and start a family. It felt like a bait and switch…why would God call us to have children and then take our first one home?
    We held off on trying to intentionally conceive for a few months. Feelings of grief, guilt, frustration, and sometimes relief (which immediately led to more guilt) hit at the most unexpected times. The emotional and physical roller-coaster is unreal.
    I’m pregnant again, now in my 10th week of gestation. I fear sometimes about this baby’s future, but this time around I feel a peace that passes understanding. I look forward to this baby’s life, and to seeing my firstborn in heaven someday.

  18. sarah salazar says

    For starters, what a well written beautiful piece. When I read this I felt an instant connection with you. In the past year and a half I have gone through 2 miscarriages. My first miscarriage was at 6 weeks. My second was at 10 weeks. I am pregnant now and I constantly go to the bathroom to see if I’m spotting. I constantly worry and stress that this pregnancy will result in a miscarriage. The heartache, pain and saddness from misscariage is life changing. What you wrote really touched me. No one in my family has suffered from miscarriage except for me. So no one could relate to how I felt. When I read your article I felt as thought we could relate to each other. Thank you for wrriting such a beautiful article.

  19. Amanda says

    You hit the nail on head here. I had two miscarriages in between my two boys who are now 8 and 11 years old. I remember with my youngest I spotted throughout the entire pregnancy and was in and out of the hospital. Now 8 years later, I am pregnant, rather unexpectedly. We were not planning on having anymore children. There is so much fear that something will go wrong. I am almost 35, and evertime i go to the bathroom I fear that I will have started spotting. How can I really be blessed to be pregnant 8 years later? It’s still a bit of a shock, and we are happy, just in shock. 🙂 Thanks for the article, I see the dr today and I needed to see this.

  20. Natalie says

    I was so excited when my first pregnancy was confirmed at the Dr’s office and my husband and I saw the little bean on the screen almost 9 weeks along. We told immediate family and a few close friends in our excitement. 4 weeks later I started lightly spotting a few days before my next appt. Dr took a look and baby hadn’t grown much since 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. My heart sunk. So I spent the week of Thanksgiving 2014 recovering, crying, worried I wouldn’t ever have a baby. Telling people was so hard but in doing so a couple of close friends opened up about their own miscarriages. That brought me comfort and made me feel less alone. Also their stories gave me some hope because they had gone on to have healthy children. My Dad opened up about my mom’s miscarriage with her 3rd pregnancy (I was her 4th pregnancy). In January a close friend helped me by guiding me to a sermon online from her church on thriving and one part of it talked about healing and taking risks and God’s pruning. I really started to believe things would happen in His time and that there was a reason. I prayed and prayed because after our loss I realized even more how much I wanted to be a Mom. On February 20, I had a positive pregnancy test. On March 9 before I had even been able to confirm the pregnancy test, I started bleeding at work like I was having a period. I cried thinking this was another loss or the that test was wrong. But luckily the ultrasound at the hospital showed a normal 7 week old fetus and when my HGC levels were measured two days later they had gone up enough for my Dr to be encouraged that the pregnancy was progressing. But until I heard the heartbeat at 12 weeks and saw our little boy on the screen at 20 weeks, I still felt fear everytime I went to the bathroom. I tried to let go and let God as I prayed every morning. Still I was fearful of anything and everything that could go wrong until our healthy son was placed in my arms on Halloween.

    • says

      Thanks for sharing! And congratulations on your new baby! What a blessing! I found it so comforting to hear stories from other women who had also had miscarriages after I had mine. It’s part of the reason I think I had mine – so that I could understand other women in a way I couldn’t otherwise.

  21. Jennifer says

    Last year, just a day before Christmas, my husband and I found out I was pregnant. We had started trying in October of that same year so I was very excited. But just a few days later, I started to bleed. I ended up naturally miscarrying at 6weeks. It was a hard time for me, especially being so close to the holidays. But we continued to try and April of this year we found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy but scared at the same time. We had our first check-up and everything looked great and I even got to see the little flicker of the heart beat. About one week later, I saw the blood again. We went to the hospital and they had told us that our baby’s heart had stopped beating. I was an emotional wreck. And to make things worse, I ended up having to have an emergency surgery to remove the rest of the fetus because I was losing too much blood. I should have been about 12weeks along but baby stopped progressing after 9. It was a nightmare. It was a very rough summer for me. We are still trying to start our family. Every month when my period comes, I’m still an emotional wreck. I don’t think this feeling of loss will ever go away. Especially with my “due date” (Jan. 3rd) being right around the corner. It’s such an awful feeling and I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I’m sure one day soon my time will come to have a healthy baby, but I will always have that fear in the back of my mind until I’m holding my child safe in my arms.

  22. Erin says

    This article is truly touching and inspiring. I read through it with blurry vision of tears. My husband and I had a beautiful baby girl 2 years ago. My pregnancy was fabulous, no complications, hardly any sickness. We found out when she was 10 months old that we were pregnant again. We told our families at Christmas, when I was about 11 weeks pregnant. I ended up miscarrying the next week right before my 12 week appointment to see that precious heartbeat. After much devastation, we waiting some time to heal emotionally and then tried again this fall. We immediately got pregnant and with much excitement we had a scheduled due date for about 2 weeks before our last unsuccessful pregnancy. We bought a Christmas ornament with a pregnant mama snowman to give to our mothers on Christmas this year to announce our exciting news. 3 days before thanksgiving, I had that fearful bathroom visit where I was seeing red. I ended up miscarrying again 7 weeks pregnant. This article has been so inspiring to me because I am so afraid and so doubtful of myself during this tough time. I love nothing more in life than being a mother and it brings unexplainable joy in my life. Your comment about being a mother is tough and it is worth the pain is totally true. Thank you for this article! It truly has been a blessing! God bless!

  23. Marie says

    I have had three losses, two in the first month of conception before we even knew we were pregnant, and one in my second trimester. I have been so scared to get pregnant again but we want a baby so badly. In the next few months we will be trying for a baby and I am looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time. I am so scared to lose another baby. My second trimester loss was my second loss. When I found out I was pregnant with her I did not fear even though I had lost a pregnancy before. I think because my first loss was so early and I did not even know I was pregnant it did not seem real. Now I know the pain and fear and I cannot get past it.

  24. Mmathew says

    It was so wonderful to read your post! I have a healthy, happy, wonderful little boy who turns 3 next week! Since having him I have had 3 miscarriages, 2 that were considered chemical pregnancies and 1 that occurred at 11 weeks – all were heartbreaking. I am currently blessed to be in my 8th week of pregnancy. I feel very good about this pregnancy but I have noticed a creeping sense of anxiety and fear setting in. I am surrounded by women who are also in their early weeks of pregnancies and this makes me all the more nervous, worrying that I will be the one to have a miscarriage. Overall I know this is all crazy thinking because in the end none of this is in my control. I find rest and comfort in my faith in God. Reading your post about both the suffering, joy, and grace your felt in God’s love all renew my own faith and hope. Thank you for posting this and please keep me and other women going through these experiences in your prayers.

  25. Calen says

    I stumbled upon your post today and I believe it’s a God thing. Today is day 2 of miscarrying my 6 week old baby. My first baby is going to be with Jesus. I knew for 1 week that my husband and I were pregnant with our first child. A short time does not reflect the amount of love this child has received. On December 28th when we first saw those two little lines my heart grew and our plans for our future began all at once. I have another appointment tomorrow to follow up with my hcg levels and to ensure everything has passed. To ensure my baby is no longer inside of me. This is absolutely heart wrenching and my heart goes out to every woman who is currently or has or even will endure this in the future. I am completely terrified in the possibility of becoming pregnant again. I have sought out my comfort in the Lord and I will continue to do so. At the end of the day, I am still a mommy to this angel of ours.

  26. Abby says

    Thank you for this post! I miscarried my first baby at 8 weeks last June. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with another baby and my heart has been wrenched with fear! I know God has a plan, and I absolutely trust Him. I just know that if He chooses to, He can take this baby. My husband and I have such a strong desire to be parents, and at 32 and 39 we feel like time is just slipping by.

    I love my first baby so much, and I will always feel some sorrow that I was never able to meet him/her. I think I will always think about how old that baby would be, and wonder what they may have looked like. I am trying to trust God and be grateful for each day with this new little one. My mom reminded me that none of us know what tomorrow holds. We will miss many beautiful moments in the present if we are consumed with worry about the future. So I continue to pray and celebrate each passing day with this baby. I am so grateful to read the comments from other women who have been through similar things. It’s good to know I’m not alone.

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