Finding the Perfect Balance

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Okay. Let’s talk for a moment here about life. You know that thing we all live day in and day out, every day. Life is complex. Most things in life are not clearly black or white, mostly because so many things are dependent upon our unique identities and those of our family and friends. Knowing how to handle a new problem that arises perfectly, the first time, is near impossible. Developing better habits, breaking old ones, or maintaining the status quo are way easier said than done. And it all comes down to balance. Finding the perfect balance to our lives seems so elusive, but boy does it sound amazing!

I have wanted to write a post about some new habits I’m developing, new goals I laid out for myself and my family for this new year (you know that started two months ago), but I never felt like I could write that post because I could never seem to persevere in these goals! I kept getting in my own way. Did you know new habits are hard to make?

Some of the goals I set out for myself included:

  • Going to bed by 11pm (10:30pm being the ideal).
  • Waking up at 6:30am before my children for personal devotion/scripture study time, planning, and blog writing.
  • Reading the Bible to my children during breakfast.
  • Writing out daily goals and lists thanks to the Blogging/Life Planner I made myself.

These haven’t happened. I can tell you a million excuses as to why (that baby just needs to sleep ALL the way through the night!), but it really comes down to my lack of discipline. There. I said it. I suck at disciplining myself. That “ten more minutes” of blogging/SM turns into two hours. That 6:30am wake up call no longer comes from my alarm but my children. And daily goals? I don’t even remember what day it is most of the time.

Finding balance in life is not easy!! It takes discipline and devotion. whatsupfagans.com

“For Mr. Gorman !!” by THOR used under CC BY / text added to original.

But, I do believe all of the things I have listed above would benefit me in the long run and give me a better sense of balance in my life, mostly because it would help me have a better relationship with my family. My children do not get read scriptures while we eat breakfast because I am shoving food in my mouth myself, blurry eyed because I went to bed at 12:30am, got up with my son at 3:30am, and am feeding them breakfast at 7am. Some mornings the demands of little people are just too much and Momma Grouch comes out and their pleas for a bowl, a spoon, cereal, and milk are just too much too bear! All of that could be avoided by an early bedtime for me and an earlier-than-my-kids wake up time.

Plus, the relationship with my husband would be better. While I’d love to tell you I’m staying up late snuggling, dating, and talking to my husband into the wee hours of the night every night, it’s not true. Too often after the kids go to bed, I jump onto the computer to blog – link up to various link parties, check my email, tweet, pin things to Pinterest, write blog posts, edit pictures, read articles, and talk to my blogging buddies on Facebook – instead of hang out with the man I love the most in the whole world. And before I know it, it’s midnight. I spent my evening ignoring my loving husband. And he of course resents it.

While some nights we do stay up late together watching our favorite TV shows on Hulu, or a new movie we got from RedBox, I still usually find myself for at least part of the evening in front of the computer. I just have to check my email or my stats one last time!

I have a problem.

Clearly.

So many times I have told my husband that I will be going to bed early and getting up early so I could blog then, and not ignore him or the children. And so often those “promises” have only proven to be lies. And I don’t like lying to people. And I don’t like disappointing those I love the most with those hollow promises. It sucks.

I want to have that perfect life balance, the one where I manage raising great kids, have an amazing relationship with my spouse, and write and maintain a great blog that brings in extra money for our family. (Side note: I have actually exceeded two of my blogging goals already this year though!) Oh, and that I also have time to work out and read books too. And everything else.

But, disciplining myself is hard. Telling myself NO is not easy. When I start a project (i.e. blogging for profit) I want to see it through, and I want it to be successful. When I start something, I am determined to finish it, ideally all in one sitting. I don’t like being interrupted. So, to discipline myself to stop, even though I’m not done researching this or that or linking up, or commenting, is a challenge, one I have yet to be truly successful at.

But, true to myself, I keep trying. Being aware of my current faults and imperfections, and the poorer relationship I have with my husband in particular, are good motivators for me to actually get my act together.

But, change is hard.

I know that the only way I will make a lasting change will be to call upon the powers of heaven. I know that if I ask for God’s grace to sustain me, to discipline me, and his Spirit to inspire me, that I can be successful. I’ve called upon his atoning powers before to help change my attitude and my outlook before, and I know that if I am sincere and humble enough, he will help me change again. God has called me to blog. I know that. But, he has also called me to be a wife and a mother, which things are always more important then myself.

I want to find the perfect balance to life. I feel like true happiness is found in that balance. When we aren’t giving too much, when we aren’t demanding too much, when we get enough sleep, eat the right foods, and give enough to our family but also to our own nourishment. And I believe the start to this life of balance is disciplining myself to devote myself to God first, my family second, my goals third.

How do you working on finding the perfect balance in your life?

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Comments

  1. says

    Change is always hard. I get up 1 hour 15 minutes before work and I blog for 45 minutes of that. My husband is usually still sleeping during that time and he gets up the last 30 minutes to spend with me. I then try to only blog for 1 hour at night as well and am in bed around 10:30. Some nights I want to stay up longer but there is no way I’d function around the kids in the morning if I went to bed later.

    • says

      Heather you seriously amaze me! But, no wonder you have to have blogging marathon parties on the weekends! You can’t get much done in less than 2 hours a day during the week. Oh, and plus all the other things you do, like teach full time! If you lived closer, we’d hang out so I could learn your ways. lol

  2. says

    Great Article!!! I’m trying to find the balance too and am not very successful. Discipline is soooo hard. I’m working on it daily.

  3. says

    You are not alone! Between work, housework, two kids, my husband, and my writing I have a horrible time some days finding a balance. Unfortunately I feel like doing something for myself like writing at the end of the night usually means sacrificing alone time with my husband, who like yours, resents that sometimes. Like you I keep trying though to be a little better at this motherhood balancing act.
    Angela @ Time with A & N

  4. Linda B says

    I’m having a tough time doing this too. I am going to bed by 9:30 to get up at 5:30 ish to be at work at 7.

    The computer eats up too much time, and I’ve decided this week to limit my time on non-productive (income) activities. So, we’ll see what happens.

    Keep posting about this and I will too. http://www.linorstorejewelry.blogspot.com

    Visiting from Inspire Me Monday.

  5. says

    Hey Katelyn! I’m your neighbor this week on Titus2day link party. I just wanted to give you a little encouragement and advice since my young mommy days are past, but how well I remember them. They were HARD! My husband was in the Army so he was gone more than home, so…enjoy your husband! As far as early morning quiet time, it was impossible when my kids got up before the sun. So, I had my quiet time during nap time. I was a nap Nazi because I so desperately needed that time. Many blessings! andy

  6. says

    If you ever figure out how to be disciplined enough to not check your email that one last time before bed, let me know your trick! Because I’m guilty as charged.

  7. says

    Katelyn, you and I are so alike, it continues to surprise and amaze me. What a blessing to have connected with someone who makes me realize I am not alone in the struggle to discipline myself to prioritize my family and my needs over my professional drive or other projects. Especially with my OCD, it is literally a deliberate effort each day to break away and prioritize my time where it should be, with my husband and my children. I admit, we are picking up the pieces of many years of my not having given him the attention he deserved and it was a hard lesson to learn. It’s so important to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of others and to be able to walk away from the chaos of blogging, working, whatever has captured our attention. Thank you for this post!

    • says

      Katy, it does seem like we’re pretty alike, although I am not OCD. But, disciplining myself and my passion to succeed, YES, it’s a struggle. I honestly don’t know how you work full-time and blog and do photography, and everything else it is you do! And, I’m trying to make sure I’m giving my husband the time he needs now before our relationship really suffers.

  8. says

    I am trying to lose weight. A different goal but the same reason why I cant attain it is lack of focus and discipline on my part. I am .. I always wanted this change but I just don’t know what to do to be strong enough not to be swayed from this goal. YOur post is inspirational.

    #PinItParty

  9. says

    I am right there with you!! I can’t seem to get off the computer either. Even right now, I really should be working, not visiting other blogs. It’s crazy how much I completely identify with this post… sigh… discipline is hard.

  10. says

    Katelyn, it seems like you’re a perfectionist, and i am, too. Unfortunately, we will NEVER be satisfied with ANY balance we end up finding because A) it won’t be perfect (there is no such thing, trust me, I’ve looked) and B) Whatever we settle on will not be perfect enough. As with everything else in life, this too is a process, and the older you get, the more you’ll give yourself a break on not getting it “just right.”

  11. says

    Balance – hmm, some days I have it. Others, not so much. But God is always first in my life and my husband is second. The rest is always third. This seems to work for me. Linking with Wifey Wednesday where you were my neighbor.

  12. says

    I have not made those promises to hubby. I try to go to bed earlier, but ultimately, I’m exhausted by the end of the day no matter what time it is. The earlier I come to bed, the earlier I’m ready to sleep, thus I’ve become a morning “gal”. I desperately need to get up before everyone but I haven’t been able to do it with my baby still working on sleeping through the night. I don’t even know how often she feeds because I pass out from just being exhausted every night. Should I have admitted that? Anyway, good luck. I just updated my goal list this week too to find the balance! Thanks for linking up with Countdown in Style.

  13. says

    i am much better at going to bed early than getting up early. I go up with my daughter when she goes to bed and rarely make it back downstairs. It has become “my” time and it is so nice. Thanks for sharing at The Mommy Club Link Party!

  14. says

    It’s a neverending struggle for me – finding the balance! And yes change is hard, but we shouldn’t stop trying, eventually we’ll find the perfect balance…! I hope! 🙂

    xx
    Marina

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